


Hook You Dork

by EmmytheEwok



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: But I thought it was kinda sweet, F/M, This is a really shitty texting thing, You could probably do better than this with your eyes closed, and shitty, but hey
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-29
Updated: 2014-08-29
Packaged: 2018-02-15 07:37:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2220948
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmmytheEwok/pseuds/EmmytheEwok
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's a really shitty texting thing.</p><p>I'm so sorry, stop me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hook You Dork

[Hook] Swan.

[Hook] Swan it’s beeping at me.

[Hook] Swan!

[Swan] Turn the damn thing off then if it bothers you that badly!

[Hook] How do you do that?

[Swan] Ask Mary-Margaret. I don’t have time to baby you right this second.

[Hook] Harsh :(

*  
[Hook] Snow White. It’s beeping.

[Snow] What’s beeping?

[Hook] The blasted contraption Swan gave me! 

[Snow] What contraption?

[Hook] It’s a good thing you’re pretty.

[Snow] What's that supposed to mean?!

[Hook] All I'm saying is that you practically LIVED with the Wicked Witch of the fucking West and didn't notice

[Snow] I will burn everything you love

[Hook] Including your daughter?

[Snow] WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN MY DAUGHTER

[Snow] I TOLD HER TO STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM YOU

[Snow] HOW FUCKING DARE SHE

[Hook] ...whoops?

[Snow] Wait, does this mean you love her?

[Snow] Hook?

[Snow] Hook!?

[Snow] ANSWER QUESTION!  
*  
[Hook] Lad, you’ve got to teach me more about this thing.

[Henry] What’s up, Hook?

[Hook] IT. WILL. NOT. STOP. BEEPING. AT. ME.

[Henry] How come you’re meant to be a pirate when you can’t even work a cell phone?

[Hook] WHY WON’T IT STOP! DAMN THIS BLASTED DEVICE.

[Henry] At least you can work the caps lock okay.  
*  
[Robin] Hook mate, aren’t these thing’s marvelous! 

[Hook] Yes, now you can talk to me when we’re standing in the same room instead of opening your blasted mouth so I don’t have to hear you vomit optimism.

[Robin] What’s wrong with you?

[Hook] Tell me, does the cricket still work as a psychiatrist? 

[Robin] Well, that cricket’s certainly got far in life.

[Hook] I can’t with your nauseating cheerfulness.   
*  
[Hook] Charming, I know you hate me because Emma and I were lovers, but please, I beg mercy! Tell me how to end the blasted beeping!

[Charming] What do you mean Emma and you were lovers!? I thought it was one kiss!?

[Hook] Ah, she didn’t tell you…?

[Charming] WHAT DID YOU DO TO MY BABY GIRL!?

[Hook] Ahh, I can see that she didn’t. Mayhap I will, just, oh look, I’ve accidentally impaled myself. Toodles.  
*  
[Charming] Emma! What’s this about you and Hook being lovers?

[Swan] Lovers? What’s he on abou- oh shit.

[Charming] EMMA!?

[Swan] Oh my gosh, is that Regina making out with Robin!?

[Charming] What, new gossip! I’m on it!  
*  
[Charming] What’s all this about you and Regina, aye, Robin?

[Robin] I thought…for a moment…but alas, nay, it was my heart deceiving me in a quest to latch itself upon the fairest maiden I have seen for too long a day.

[Charming] Wow. That was… wow. You’ve got moves.

[Robin] That’s the best you’ve got. It’s no wonder Snow’s only just got pregnant.

[Charming] I…

[Charming] Oh my gosh

[Charming] How dare you! That’s so mean!

[Robin] I thought Snow was the only one who was meant to be effected by the pregnancy hormones?  
*  
[Hook] Belle. Beautiful Belle. Please, just tell me how to end it all?

[Belle] Wow, you took Emma’s rejection hard, didn’t you?

[Hook] How dare you, Emma hasn’t rejected me, she has just neglected to see how perfect we would be together.

[Belle] Ah, yes, of course.

[Hook] How we fit together so beautifully, like long lost puzzle pieces.

[Belle] Erh, yes, you do?

[Hook] How much better a man I’d been the Neal. At least Pirates have honor!

[Belle] Yes, because honor is the one thing pirates are best known for.

[Hook] And dignity.

[Belle] Yes Hook.

[Hook] And courage.

[Belle] Yes Hook.

[Hook] And Neal smells!

[Belle] *facepalm*


End file.
